


The Last Humans

by cmpeabooty



Series: NieR Fun [2]
Category: Durarara!!, NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Androids, Cryogenics, F/F, Gen, Genderbend, Genetic Engineering, Lesbians, Machines, Post Apocalypse, SPOILERS FOR NIER, Spoilers for Ending E, You Have Been Warned, garbage honestly, not meant to be taken seriously, theyre both tsundere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-10-29 12:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmpeabooty/pseuds/cmpeabooty
Summary: shizuka and kanra wake up to an earth destroyed, machines and androids seemingly disappeared





	The Last Humans

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY FIRST OF ALL DURARARA STAGE PLAY HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED FII LOOK BEHSNDJDJDBKZHEKXJK

**4200**

Humans had been fighting the aliens and their machines for centuries, by the time Project Gestalt was created. YoRHa still in the notebooks.

Humans had done everything they could to match the might of their foes: genetic engineering, cyborgs, androids, anything they could think of.

Generations of babies conceived and born in labs, not a human womb, had brought the human genome to superhuman levels. 

Though, the androids were just one step ahead of humans, able to fight endlessly, and had no need for sustenance. 

Project Gestalt has been so successful, the Director wasn’t sure what triggered its quick and sudden downfall. 

The twin androids went mad, killing the humans and destroying the equipment for Gestalt. 

The Director of Gestalt had always been a very paranoid man, however. Just six months ago, he chose twenty of humanities brightest, and strongest, to be cryogenically frozen. 

Those that were chosen, were not informed of this plan. Nobody knew, save the Director and his assistant. 

These humans were placed in cryogenic escape pods, two to each, based on compatibility. The escape pods then waited, dormant. 

The Director, running from a Devola, bleeding allover, made his way to the control room. He passed many dead and dying on his way. 

Once inside, he lurched to the vacant desk, collapsing in the chair. 

Using his thumbprint, he was able to open a hidden compartment, that contained one button. He slams his hand on the orange circle, just as the Devola tore a leg off. 

With this, he was able to launch the escape pods miles away, into space. 

The crafts would float through space aimlessly, until the YoRHa project was completed. The Director programmed each craft with an AI, and a timer. The instant YoRHa’s Bunker exploded, the pods would turn, and head back for Earth. 

In the year 12000, one of the crafts lands on Earth soil. 

**12000**

_BOOM_!

An Earth-shaking collision from close by causes the entire machine village to freeze in fear. 

Pascal tells them to stay calm, it’s likely just a meteorite, or some other space debris. 

However, Pascal is unsure if he believes his own explanation. He’s witness plenty of meteor collisions, and none were that powerful. 

He pages Anemone, and they agree to investigate the collision sight two days from now. Anemone wanted to go herself, but she was far from Pascal’s village, so it would take a days’ worth of travel. 

Pascal still worries. Something just doesn’t feel right. 

The escape pod’s AI springs to life at the same moment YoRHa’s bunker explodes. Time to get to work. 

The AI sets the course to ‘Earth’ and turns the jets to full power. They’ll reach Earth in no time. 

_BOOM_!

Traveling through the ozone is always troublesome. Nonetheless, time to really get to work. 

Th AI starts the defrosting process of its passengers. Once their bodies are defrosted enough for movement, the AI starts administering nutrients and fluids to refortify their bodies. 

The AI decides it is time to restart their hearts. A delicate process. 

The two humans will wake up on their own. The AI preps itself for this, and folds open the screen that will transmit The Director’s actions. 

There are humans on Earth for the first time in thousands of years. 

“Ugh.” Shizuka tries to stretch, but it feels like she’s in a box. Also, there’s someone next to her. 

When she finally opens her eyes, she finds that she is, in fact, in a box. 

And of course _Kanra_ is the one next to her. Thankfully, she’s still asleep. 

They seem to be in a tiny space craft, no windows. 

She just wants to stretch dammit. Her legs are too long for this!

The latch to the door won’t open, but then again, Shizuka has never been in a space craft, so she doesn’t really know if she’s actually pulling and pushing the right things. 

“Mmm...”

Ah shit, Kanra’s waking up. 

Shizuka leans back into their seat, giving up for the moment. Kanra blinks herself awake. 

Shizuka thinks she might love Kanra best first thing in the morning. She’s always so quiet and confused. It’s cute. 

“Wha-at?”

Kanra barely gets the word out before a transmission begins. 

Bless that long-winded transmission, because it finally told Shizuka how to open the god damn door. 

They scramble out of the craft, pushing at each other, until they tumble out in a heap. Kanra leaps up first, but not without kneeing Shizuka in the stomach first. 

“Oh, wow...”

Shizuka is (reluctantly) inclined to agree. They sure did land in a... colorful place. There’s strips of paper fluttering all over, and floating... balls?

“Balloons! I’ve never seen one before!” Kanra sure is excited. Shizuka scrambles after her, not trusting their environment yet. 

“Shizu-chan, look!”

_POP_!

Shizuka couldn’t help it; she flinched. Kanra is laughing now. 

“Awww, are you scared of the widdle ballooooon~?” Ugh, that smirk. 

“Oh, shut up before I pop you.”

Kanra just giggles. 

“Let’s p1ay! Let’s p1ayy!”

Machines? Oh, shit. 

Shizuka kinda hoped that the machines were dead, and that’s why they were supposedly brought to Earth. 

She takes a defensive stance, and that’s when she notices what she and Kanra are wearing. 

A long sleeve, black shirt of a thick material, but (for whatever reason) fits close to the contours of their bodies. 

A set of tiny black shorts don’t help. Shizuka can feel her ass hanging out, and she already saw Kanra’s nonexistent, yet still fully distracting, ass.

Black stockings and boots complete their outfits, and Shizuka has never felt more embarrassed. She preferred the boring uniforms of the military on the moon. 

Kanra doesn’t mind. The girl has no shame, and she knows she has Shizuka’s attention. 

“Shit! I don’t have anything to fight!”

“I’ll see if that pod has anything,” and Kanra runs off. Shit. 

“Let’s p1ay! Fun!”

Shizuka is glad her body was given five times the strength that most androids get. She throws a machine up into the distant sky. 

Kanra comes back in no time, holding her electromagnetic knives, and my lance, but the other machines have run off. 

“Did machines just run away? I thought they were programmed to fight?”

Kanra is frowning. “They are.” 

We start walking, coming to a clearing with- one of the strangest contraptions Shizuka has ever seen. 

It looks like primitive imitation space crafts, all in a circle. 

“What the fuck?”

“It’s a ride. Ancient humans would ride these for fun.”

“That’s... weird.”

They move onto an abandoned (and half destroyed) theater. They decide to set up shop here for the night. 

Pascal and Anemone meet outside the village, and head towards the estimated crash sight. 

The Amusement Park. 

Hopefully the few machines that are left are still peaceful. 

They reach the park, and Pascal tries to speak with the machines, but they... don’t seem to be sane. Peaceful and innocent, but not entirely lucid. 

It’s fine, because Anemone finds the culprit of the crash. A small space craft. 

They search for an hour or two, but they find no one strange. Whoever was in that craft is now wandering the nearby land. Their intentions unknown. 

Pascal decides to transmit this information to 2B and 9S, just in case they come in contact with the individual. 

“This place is dismal. Why did we come here? I liked the balloon place better.”

Kanra and Shizuka walked all the way to an empty set of buildings that are halfway underwater. It’s foggy and cold. 

“I’m hungry,” Kanra says, just for something to say. Shizuka is ignoring her. 

“C’mooooon, i’m cold!” She tries to cuddle up to her favorite monster. Shizuka can’t resister, and gives in, holding her close. 

“You’re genetically engineered to be resistant to extreme temperatures. How are you always cold?”

“Hmm, genetic mutatuion.”

Kanra stays quiet for about ten minutes. 

“Why did we come out here? It’s too wet.” “I saw so many dry places we could have stayed.” “I’m hungry.” “Let’s go skinny dipping.”

Shizuka decides to interrupt her.

“How many more humans do you think made it to Earth?”

Kanra goes quiet, contemplating. 

“Well, the transmission said there was twenty of us. Maybe they landed elsewhere.”

Shizuka hums, like she doesn’t like that answer, but has no plausible argument. 

“We can go look, if you want.”

“Maybe in a little while. I just want to sit and breathe for a while...”

Of course, 9S was overjoyed that something mysterious has happened. 

Peace must be too boring for a Scanner. 

He and 2B immediately headed back for the coordinates Pascal sent them. He was so excited, 2B had to have Pod shut him down, so he could rest. 

His questions and thoughts came too fast for 2B to even respond. 

“What do you think it is?” “Do you think they’re new androids?” “Like post-YoRHa models?” “Oh! What if it’s new aliens!” “Or-or maybe it’s something we’ve never even fathomed before!”

2B’s head was whirling by the time he quieted. He was still practically vibrating in place, though. 

[Warning: Internal temperature rising.]  
[Proposal: Unit 9S should calm down.]

2B had to choke back a laugh at Pod 153’s unintentional sarcasm. 

“I know, I know, I just can’t help it! It’s been so quiet for decades! I’m ready for something new!”

2B couldn’t help but actually agree. Any of the remaining hostile machines were quickly dwindling in numbers. 

She and 9S had enjoyed their well-deserved peace, but the innate android itch to be productive gets louder everyday. 

She wondered if they should hunt down A2 and tell her...

“Shit! Where the hell are they coming from?!”

Shizuka and Kanra find themselves in the midst of a machine horde. Machines that are trying to kill them. 

Kanra whips her knives around, slicing appendages, and Shizuka finishes them off with her lance, or with a toss to the sky. 

“Ah! Fuck!” Shizuka got her hair caught in her lance again. 

“This is why hairbrushes were invented,” Kanra mocks, flinging her knives directly at Shizuka’s face. She’d be nervous if she didn’t know just how talented aka ra was with her knives. 

They zip by her face, and attack her golden locks, cutting them to a short (still messy) cut. 

“Heh, that’s better.” They resume fighting. 

_BZZZ_

“The fuck is that?”

A clatter, Kanra’s knives hit the ground. 

“It’s must be an EMP blast, gimme a sec.”

Kanra grabs her knives up, and continues fighting. The machines seem almost confused, why didn’t their EMP blast not work? 

They start backing off the two, still confused, and they huddle off making all sorts of weird noises. 

“So, you’ve got five seconds to tell me what you are.”

A2 waits in a shadowed opening, on a building. She just got out of the desert, and she’d like a break, thank you very much. 

A group of docile machines are milling about in the clearing below. 

Things sure are different with YoRHa and that Tower gone...

“Come get me, Shizu-chan~!”

“GET BACK HERE YOU SLIME!”

The hell? A2 is pulled from her thoughts, as a pair of young women start darting through the clearing. 

A2 has never seen these two before. In fact, she’s never seen an android that looks anything like these two. She waits and watches. 

The little one is giggling, and the blonde one is fuming. She’s trying to throw a boulder at the little one. Wow. 

The nearby machines freeze. Their heads turn (almost 180) and their eyes flash bright red. The color of hostiles. 

A2 gets ready to jump out, as the two women pull their respective weapons out and fight. 

Why are these docile machines fighting? What the hell?

She feels the tingle of an EMP flare, thankfully she’s out of range. The little ones knives fall to the ground. They must be controlled through electromagnetic s. 

What really shocks A2, is that the women are fine. The dark haired one just picks up her knives, and uses them the old fashioned way. (She also took the time to give Blondie a haircut).

Blondie punches one, demolishing it’s face and sending it flying. 

Who, and what, are these women? 

The machines seem confused too, and they scurry off, retreating. 

A2 can’t wait, she leaps down, landing a few feet from the women. She holds out her long sword. 

“So, you have five seconds to tell me what you are.”

Now that she’s closer, she’s struck by how similar they seem to the androids of the Resistance. Maybe that’s where they’re from? Something doesn’t seem right. 

They wear nearly spotless black uniforms, reminiscent of A2’s own clothing. The taller one looks to be all lean muscle, her freshly cut hair gleaming in the sunlight. 

The small, dark haired one really sets A2 on edge. They meet eyes and she’s uneasy. Who has blood-red eyes like that?! And who the fuck smirks at the person holding a sword to their necks?!

“Yo.”

Blondie roughly elbows the evil one in the side. 

“Hold on a second! We’re not enemies!”

A2 arches a brow. “Oh really? Then why would a group of docile machines suddenly go berserk?” She tenses, ready to fight. 

“I don’t know! Look, please let us explain!” Blondie holds her hands up in surrender. The evil one just smirks. 

“Were... originally from the moon, but we’ve been traveling through space for a really long time. We just landed here a few days ago.”

“Do I look like an idiot to you? Do you really think I’d believe that bullshit?!”

A2 lunges at Blondie, sword ready to strike, when a force from behind stops her sword. 

The evil one’s knives. The energy field they operate on were lassoed around her sword, holding her in place. 

“The only one that’s allowed to strike Shizu-chan is me.” The evil one is no longer smiling. A chill runs through A2. 

There must be a god on her side, because Pascal runs up at the moment, hopefully to diffuse the situation. 

Kanra releases the android’s sword. She steps back to Shizuka’s side and the android stumbles back. 

“Pascal!”

A machine is running over. They haven’t had much luck with machines, Kanra readies herself to fight. 

“Please! Wait just a moment A2!” The machine reaches the tense trio. 

A2 steps back, close enough in case the pair try to attack Pascal. 

The large machine turns to them. “My name is Pascal, and I run a village of peaceful machines. Please, if we could talk, I have a few questions.”

Shizuka’s jaw is tight on barely suppressed anger. Looks like this one is Kanra’s. 

“My name is Kanra, and this is Shizuka. What do you want to know?”

“It’s good to meet you! I wanted to confirm: are you involved with the crash of a space craft a few days ago?”

“Why?”

“Please, I just want to know if you are friend or foe.”

“Heh, okay. Yes, that was us who crash landed.”

“Oh, thank you! Also, if you don’t mind, may I ask what you are?”

The machine didn’t notice it’s own eyes flickering red. 

Pascal’s vision and hearing were filtering in and out. Very strange. Perhaps the strangers have a device doing so. 

Humans!

Huh? What was that? That wasn’t my thought.

Hum4ns!

hum4n5!

Who is this? Leave my body!

dwddishsns huuuuuuuummmaaaaannnnnzzzzz

We 10ve the hum4n5!!!

we must destr0y the human5!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

478(&$/!@tew o he eiowpeje

“PASCAL! What’s going on?!”

Out of nowhere, mid-sentence, Pascal’s eyes flashed bright red, a machine’s voice chanting ‘humans humans’ coming from his speaker.

A2 can tell Pascal is trying to regain control of himself. It’s like he’s fighting his own programming.

K1LL THE HUM4NS

NO! LET GO OF ME

KILL THEM

NEVER!

Pascal’s body collapses, as he shuts down. 

A2 turns to the pair of strangers. “What did you do.” Her voice is low and menacing.

“The honest truth is we did nothing. The machines are reacting to us.”

Shizuka nods, disturbed by watching a machine fight itself. “We’re human.”

A2 looks ready to laugh and stab someone.

Kanra intervenes. “The machines haven’t seen a human in thousands of years. It’s deep in their programming to kill us, but without humans to kill, the code went dormant. Until now.”

A2’s eyes narrow. “What are you trying to say?”

“To put it bluntly: Shizu-chan and I are human.”

“HA! That’s a good one!” A2 laughs, raising her sword to strike.

Pascal stirs, slowly sitting up on the ground. “N-no, A2... They are tell1ng the truth, I can feel it, sense 1t...”

A2 frowns at the machine, “How is that even possible? Humans have been extinct for thousands of years.”

“Cryogenics. Look, we don’t want trouble so just leave us be. We’ll find somewhere else to go.”

Ah, Shizu-chan. Always looking for a peaceful solution.

A2 turns to Pascal, to debate whether they should take the pair to the Resistance. Kanra uses the moment of distraction to run, grabbing Shizuka’s hand.

“Hey!” A2 starts after them, but Pascal grabs her arm.

“Just let them go, I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

2B and 9S has just made it back to the cave-in, in the center of the city ruins. They were both shocked to see- and fight- machines.

They should have all gone with the Tower. Unless this many were already severed from the network...

They climb out of the giant cave-in, heading for the nearest Transporter to upload their data. (Upload it where, they don’t really know).

They jog in comfortable silence, 9S lost in his thoughts.

Rounding the corner, 2B stops so suddenly, 9S runs into her.

“Ugh, sorry 2B, why’d you stop though?”

“...Look.”   


Up ahead, in the field, two females where fighting a group of angry machines. One of the women was twirling knives around, while the other relied on brute strength.

“Do you recognize them, 9S?”

A Scanner never forgets a face, he always brags to 2B, but he honestly has never seen these women before. Nor has he seen other android models resembling them.

He says as much, so 2B warns him to be on his guard, as they slowly approach.

They abruptly stop (again) when an unbelievable sight presents itself. Unbelievable, even for a pair of androids.

The taller woman quite literally pulls a transporter (disguised as an old vending machine) and launches it at the group of machines, roaring the entire time.

“Did she just...” 9S is at a loss for words, a rare occurrence indeed.

2B knows that there isn’t a single android that could manage a feat like that.

The smaller woman cheers as the taller finishes off the remaining machines in a blaze of fury.

The small one then- attacks her own partner? The taller woman slowly turns, and 9S can feel her menacing aura from where he stands. The shorter woman turns, and sprints away, and her partner grabs a dead machine and throws it at her.

The two quickly run off, darting in between buildings, laughter echoing behind them.

The last thing 9S hears is a distant shout of “YOU’RE DEAD YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

He and 2B exchange a look of astonishment.

“Hehehe, that was fun, Shizu—chan!”

Kanra stops her sprint, turning just in time to launch herself at Shizuka, who, or course, catches her effortlessly.

They share a lingering kiss, all anger forgotten, as their lips slide together.

They are the last humans on Earth, so they’re gonna raise hell while they can.


End file.
